Why grief over the loss of a pet is so profound and often unseen
The bond that develops between a person and their dog is not merely a relationship of care. For many people, a pet is a daily companion, a source of security and emotional connection, and an important member of the family. But what happens to a person when this relationship is suddenly cut short? Why can the loss of a dog cause such intense grief, and why do many people often find it difficult to acknowledge this?
According to statements by Dr. Aristoniki Theodosiou Tryfonidou, a specialist in School and Developmental Psychology, in “Alpha on Sunday,” the relationship between humans and dogs can trigger powerful mechanisms of emotional bonding.
ΣΧΕΤΙΚΑ ΑΡΘΡΑ
Catarrhal fever: 46 sheep and goats were infected; ten died
Why can we form such a deep bond with a dog?
Research (such as that by Nagasawa’s team in the journal *Science*) has shown that prolonged eye contact between a person and their dog activates a closed-loop neurobiological feedback mechanism involving oxytocin (the Oxytocin Feedback Loop). Referring to this specific research, Ms. Tryfonidou noted that this is exactly the same evolutionary mechanism that develops between a mother and her newborn infant.
But what happens when you lose your dog? Ms. Tryfonidou explains that “when your dog leaves, your brain experiences a biological withdrawal syndrome due to the sudden drop in oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin.”
“Unresolved Grief”
One of the biggest obstacles to overcoming loss is what Kenneth Doka called “disenfranchised grief.” This refers to the grief a person experiences when their loss is not openly acknowledged, is not mourned publicly, and is not socially supported.
“Come on, it was just a dog— get another one” is one of the common phrases people around them use, and according to Dr. Tryfonidou, it essentially invalidates the person’s pain and deprives them of the right to grieve. She argues that human relationships involve anger, sadness, and competition. In contrast, as she notes, a relationship with a dog offers feelings of joy, security, and love.
When someone feels that they “don’t have the right” to grieve because they lost a pet, they may end up hiding their grief, avoiding talking about the loss, or even feeling guilty for being in pain. As Ms. Tryfonidou points out, this can develop into Prolonged Grief Disorder.
The Architecture of Grief
The loss of a dog can leave a void that is felt at every hour of the day. The absence of walks, care, play, or even the animal’s mere presence creates a new reality to which the person must gradually adapt.
Dr. Theodosiou Tryfonidou refers to the Dual Process Model by Stroebe and Schut, according to which people oscillate between two different orientations.
On the one hand, there is the orientation toward loss: the moments when they cry, remember, process their grief, and confront the absence.
On the other hand, there is the orientation toward recovery: the effort to return to work, establish a new routine, and continue with daily life. “It is this—a psychological pendulum—that heals the trauma.”
“I want to get a dog, but I won’t because I couldn’t bear the loss of it” is something many people think, yet Dr. Tryfonidou notes that “the price of deep love is the pain of loss.” At the same time, she adds that, “refusing to form a bond to avoid pain is like refusing life itself. A dog will live 10 or 15 years. Those are 15 years of unconditional happiness, laughter, and relief from your own stress. On the scales of existence, the few months of grief at the end cannot steal the value of so many years of absolute devotion.”
