Signs Parents Shouldn't Ignore and How They Can Support Their Children
Going back to school is a period of adjustment that can trigger a range of emotions in children. From joy and excitement to anxiety and resistance. But how can parents recognize and manage these emotions?
Speaking to “ALPHA on Sunday,” school psychologist George Pogiatzis explains that going back to school can trigger many emotions in the same child—and in many cases, “conflicting” emotions, such as joy and anxiety, excitement and insecurity.
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For example, a child might be eager to see their friends and at the same time worry about whether they’ll be accepted. For some children, there may be sadness at the end of vacation or difficulty separating from their parents.
Recognition from Parents
The coexistence of these emotions, as she notes, is part of the transition to a daily routine with different rhythms and expectations.
But how can parents recognize these signs?
As Mr. Poyatzis explains, parents can spot signs of anxiety by observing changes in their child’s sleep, appetite, mood, or willingness to go to school.
A child may express their anxiety through irritability, withdrawal, or physical complaints, even before they are able to describe it in words. However, no single sign is sufficient on its own to confirm exactly what is going on.
“But by asking—especially with young children—what they look forward to and what worries them when they think about school, may help create a little space for us to listen to their experience, without jumping to conclusions,” she adds.
Supporting Your Child’s Return to School
Many children experience anxiety, fear, or resistance when returning to school. What can parents do to support them?
According to Mr. Poyatzis, the most important thing is to understand the causes of the anxiety. A consistent daily routine, a regular sleep schedule, and working together with teachers can make the transition back to school smoother.
At the same time, he emphasizes that parents need to acknowledge their child’s efforts and understand that it isn’t necessary for the anxiety to “disappear” completely for the child to take the next step— as long as they feel they have the support they need to move forward.
Mistakes to Avoid
What should parents avoid when trying to address their children’s anxiety?
George Poyatzis recommends avoiding comparisons, labels, and “threats” of punishment, which arise when parents view anxiety as a sign of weakness or disobedience.
“Persistent questions about whether the child was scared or cried can turn an everyday conversation into a futile attempt to control anxiety. Meanwhile, parents immediately solving every problem instead of letting their children deal with it on their own—if it is indeed their own issue—limits their opportunities to build self-confidence,” he adds.
Parental Stress
The question that arises is to what extent parental anxiety affects children.
According to Mr. Poyatzis, parental anxiety can affect a child, even when it isn’t expressed in words. He notes that their tone of voice, the intensity of their voice, and their reactions can convey to children—without them even realizing it—the message that a situation is threatening or unsafe.
At the same time, there is a two-way dynamic, as the child’s distress can increase the parent’s anxiety, creating a cycle of mutual worry.
He emphasizes the need for parents to distinguish between their own perception of a situation and that of their child, since something that may seem insignificant to them may cause intense anxiety in the child.
At the same time, he explains that a parent’s experiences from their own childhood are not necessarily a reliable guide for the child’s experience.
“Whatever they remember as having caused them anxiety back then, at that age, is not a reliable guide to the child’s own experience. They need to understand what the current situation means for the child themselves, rather than assuming that the child experiences it the same way they did,” says Mr. Poyatzis, while also emphasizing that parents are not responsible for all of their child’s fears.
When should a parent seek the help of a psychologist?
Adjusting to school isn’t the same for all children, and in some cases, support from a specialist may be necessary.
But when should a parent consult a specialist?
Mr. Poyatzis explains that professional help is needed when anxiety substantially limits the child’s life, when they consistently struggle to attend or even stay in school, and when they withdraw from friends and activities or exhibit persistent changes in their daily functioning.
“In such cases, as parents, they must assess the intensity, duration, and consequences of the difficulty, as well as whether it is gradually subsiding or worsening,” she notes.
He also notes that in cases where a child reports or exhibits self-harm, expresses thoughts of not wanting to live, or there is an immediate risk to their safety, an immediate professional evaluation and support are required.
