How Gaslighting Works and What to Do to Deal With It

The term “gaslighting” describes a form of psychological manipulation in which someone tries to make us doubt our memory, judgment, and perception of reality. The word comes from the play *Gas Light* (1939), in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind.

How gaslighting works

Gaslighters often use:

• Denial: “I never said that.”
• Blame-shifting: “It’s all your fault.”
• Belittling: “You’re being too sensitive.”
• Distortion of reality: “You’re remembering it wrong.”

Their goal is to gain control by making us doubt ourselves.

1. Maintain a realistic perspective

You can’t control what the other person says, but you can control how you interpret it. Before accepting an accusation or challenge, pause and ask yourself:

• Is there any objective evidence to support what they’re saying?
• Have I experienced this as a recurring pattern before?
• Is this about me, or is it a manipulation tactic?

Keeping a record of events (a journal, messages, notes) helps us stay grounded in reality and not get swept away by confusion.

2. Don’t base your self-worth on someone else’s approval

Gaslighters exploit our need for acceptance. If you believe your worth depends on whether someone else approves of you, you become more vulnerable to manipulation. The strongest defense is to remember that:

• Our worth isn’t negated by a single accusation.
• We can make mistakes without being “bad” or “irrational” people.
• We don’t have to constantly prove that we’re right to deserve respect.
• When we stop seeking validation from the manipulative person, much of their power over us is lost.

3. Practice unconditional acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean tolerating something that upsets us. It means seeing the situation clearly. Acknowledge:

• “What’s happening is hurting me.”
• “I can’t change the other person’s behavior.”
• “But I can decide how to protect myself.”

Accepting reality helps us make clearer decisions: to set boundaries, to distance ourselves, to seek support, or to stop getting caught up in endless explanations.

Gaslighting isn’t just a disagreement; it’s a systematic attempt to undermine our self-confidence. Protection doesn’t come from “winning” the argument, but from staying grounded in reality, in our self-esteem, and in our boundaries.

A quick reminder about gaslighting

If you often feel that:

• you doubt your memory
• you constantly apologize without knowing why
• you feel confused after conversations
• you’re afraid to express your opinion

…then it might be worth talking to a trusted person or a mental health professional. An outside, objective perspective is very helpful when someone is trying to cloud our own judgment.

The essence in one sentence

We don’t need to prove that we aren’t irrational. We need to trust our own perception of reality again.

Source: in.gr